Monthly Archives: July 2016

Divorce

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So, I am getting divorced. :/
Actually….
I am getting divorced!!! 🙂

This year has been amazing. But, the last couple of years were the most difficult of my life. The most miraculous, wonderful, profound, and life altering things happened good and bad and I couldn’t be happier about where I am in life at the moment. I’m choosing to see all the good despite the difficulty and that alone is worth celebrating. I’m not depressed or anxious anymore. I feel at peace with the legal status of my former marital relationship. That’s a huge deal, y’all.

It took a while to get here, but I knew I would. I knew I’d reach the tipping point where I was too overwhelmed by the joy in my life to hang on to the sadness and resentment in the past. I set out to intentionally fill my life with joy, joyful music, joyful humans and relationships, joyful everything,even a joyful me. I took a step back and looked at everything with new eyes… eyes field with excitement and wonder instead of fear. A heart filled with courage and calm instead of longing and ache.

I took the path that spread out before me. The path that has twists and turns and dips and I have no idea where it’s going, but it’s MY path. That is SO exciting. I’ve accepted my life, my choices, my mistakes, and my joy.

Life is good.

Own Who You Are

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The Universe is miraculous in that nothing is a coincidence and if you are aware, it puts events and people in your path with the purpose of helping you self actualize.

I was chatting with my BF/BP about re-lation-ships. Maaaan, the situations we humans put ourselves in with other humans can really be something else, ya dig? You row, row, row your little soul boat over to someone else and invite them aboard and look at all the waves you can make. We pick up barnacles and sea foam and all sorts of flotsam and jetsam like conditioned guilt and that horrible critical internal dialogue.

Ladies, I know you know what I’m talking about. We live with critical partners for so long that when we stop living with them we replace those external criticisms with internal criticism. We anticipate not measuring up. We second guess ourselves, even when we are “living in the present” & things are “good”.

You catch yourself washing your hair in the shower and your monkey mind is just running 90 to nothing, “they don’t  like you because…..”, “you should have done this not that…”, “why didn’t you do this…” chatter chatter, bullshit chatter.

Time to stop all that and let. It. Go. Own who you are, flaws or no. Those perceived flaws, the things you “should have” done different or not at all…. no. Put that thought in the garbage disposal and puree it. Those things you did, that’s who you are in that moment. And if someone doesn’t like you because of it, oh fucking well. That’s totally ok. Do you still like you? Yes? Yes! Awesome. Keep being you. Keep living in the moment. As your awareness of self, of reality, of perceptions, as all that grows you’ll change. You don’t have to criticise yourself into forced “growth”. That’s temporary. Real growth is transformational. It’s sustained.

Now, can you say, “gosh, I don’t like this about myself, I should work on changing it.” Sure. If it’s really because YOU don’t like a habit you’ve gotten yourself into.

I have, admitedly, a habit of not talking very nicely to myself. So, when other people compliment me, I dispute them or doubt their sincerity. I have a harsh and uncompassionate voice for myself. But, I do love myself and that’s why I recognize that tone of voice is just a bad habit and that can change. But, do I want to change it so other people will like me more? Hell, no. I want to change it because I like me, and I would never intentionally talk to someone I like the way I sometimes talk to myself.

So, just own who you are in this place and stage of life. On this plane of existance. In this moment in time. Love yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat someone you love. You absolutely deserve it.

Xoxo,
Allie